


With Each Disguise

by slightlyjillian



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bromance, F/M, M/M, complicated friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-21
Updated: 2010-11-21
Packaged: 2017-10-13 07:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlyjillian/pseuds/slightlyjillian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trowa Barton is assigned odd jobs in various universes. When he has to work with someone who has the same face as an old flame and that certain someone has an irrational rivalry toward a person who looks like Trowa… well, no one said the job was going to be <i>easy</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Each Disguise

**Universe of Origin**

Trowa Barton had died in every universe except one--which had made him the ideal candidate for the Cross Dimension Agency. He had been studying for his college entrance exam when the recruiter showed up at the door of his apartment.

“You’ll have our complete financial backing,” the man had said, not so subtly glancing around the dingy place that cost three hundred a month--less if Trowa could charm the landlady into forgetting to actually collect the payment during their conversation. “According to our records, you don’t have any strong connections to this universe.”

“Not really,” Trowa commented dryly. He had family, not that he had seen them since Christmas. Six years earlier. When he’d bothered to go to the prison for visiting hours.

“And we are capable of educating you in a few skill sets you may not yet have discovered in this universe,” the man went on.

“Of course,” muttered Trowa as he took another drink from his beer. The recruiter had denied an earlier offer without bothering to hide his look of disinterest. That didn’t mean Trowa couldn’t indulge as the apparently sane and snobbish man in front of him talked about alternate realities as if they were common knowledge.

“Would you like some time to think about the offer?” The man slid the papers across the coffee table. The neat paperclip in the upper left hand corner irritated Trowa as much as the man’s sales pitch smile.

“Why would I need time?” Trowa shrugged. “Let me find a pen that works.”

***

 **Universe Alpha**

The CDA worked as intra-dimensional police, resource managers and sometimes political interventionists. Quite a few of the agents never left the alpha universe and worked as analysts reviewing world histories of multiple universes. Several of these worlds worked in cooperation with the CDA. Others were completely unaware of the management navigating their daily events.

Undergoing an orientation of sorts, Trowa started at a desk in a cubicle. “Know thyself,” he mumbled looking at the stack of unviewed data strips when contrasted to the two or three he had analyzed that morning. Working CDA in Alpha had its privileges, but the general population tolerated the business as much as they embraced the economy boost it provided. He looked at his name-tag briefly. The photo id caught him in a somber, dull expression that he’d seen on the faces of the other _Trowa Bartons_ as well.

“But I’m different… I survived.”

“One in a million,” Quatre Winner hesitated, obviously overhearing Trowa’s comment. The blond man blew along the top of the tea mug he held like a fragile bird between his two hands. “How’s it going, Trowa?”

“Did you have to sit through this, too?” Trowa asked, leaning back in his chair and putting one boot against the material of the lime green frame of the cubical. “It’s creepy, watching my life over and over again in different circumstances… doesn’t seem normal to know these things about one’s other selves.”

Quatre laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck. When the laugh went on a little too long, Trowa lifted the next data strip and said, “Guess I should get back to this if I’m ever going to get to work a universe.”

The laughter stopped. Quatre asked, “Is that what you want to do?” His gaze shifted to the corner of the ceiling. The lighting system fizzled and popped in the silence just before he continued, “You wouldn’t want to stay in Alpha with the main office?”

“Doesn’t feel like I belong here,” Trowa shook his head. Then he looked at his business colleague with new interest. “Hey, Quat, are you an Alpha?”

“I am,” Quatre nodded. “Not that being one means we’re any more important than the rest of the recruited agents…” he began to recite a philosophical belief upheld by the agency but not as often a part of reality. Trowa knew that Quatre meant it, but…

“Did you know this universe’s Trowa?”

Quatre’s breath caught and the flow of words ended. “No,” he said. “No, I didn’t.”

“Okay,” Trowa thought he’d been on the right track to explain Quatre’s reactions. “I just figured that maybe you knew me at some point.”

“No,” Quatre shook his head. “I never met you.”

Thirty-six known universes. Twenty-two of them reached a conversion of perfect possibilities that generated the birth of the person who was Trowa. Twenty of those Trowa Bartons and one Trowa _Bloom_ had met their end in one way or another. One of them survived to join the CDA.

And one of them had a rather high-profile romantic relationship with a Quatre Winner of the same universe G, before they’d both been killed in a terrorist attack

It wasn’t the same Quatre. It certainly wasn’t the same Trowa. But it absolutely explained the nervous laughter. Trowa rubbed his fingers along his brow. _So this is what he was getting at…_ thought Trowa.

“How does anyone get through this job without some sort of psychological identity breakdown?” Trowa wondered aloud to the ceiling.

***

 **Universe R**

His first mission was clandestine. Monitor and report. He had assignments. Certain individuals he had to meet and interact with and steer toward certain technological advancements. When a universe could detect the others, they became a potential resource partner. But until then, Trowa Barton was the man-in-the-shadows.

Agent Barton scored higher than anyone on infiltration tests. They intended for him to commute between Alpha and R so that Trowa could train other agents, but the integrity of his R identity had been in jeopardy.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Trowa heard the intention more than the actual words as a sleepy limp hand pulled Trowa’s arm back toward the bed.

“I forgot a phone call I have to make.” Trowa bent down to kiss Nichol’s forehead. “I’ll check on Henry as I come back.”

“You’d better,” Nichol tossed, intentionally pulling most of the blankets with him.

Trowa tilted his head, but the affectionate smile that wanted to form slipped from his lips. He couldn’t get it back. The Agency had put more demands on him lately, which was causing a strain on his R Universe family.

Nichol and the kids weren’t against the rules. The CDA tolerated and even approved of agents embedding themselves into their assigned universe. But the new president liked to throw his power around calling in agents for unnecessary Alpha ‘verse debriefings and piled on redundant paperwork.

Trowa flipped his cell phone open and keyed in the passcode to the CDA operators.

“Hey, Trowa,” Hilde answered. “How’s my brother doing?”

He relaxed a little. Hilde would make the report less painful. “Not your brother in this ‘verse,” Trowa reminded her, but he kept his tone glib.

“Yeah,” she sighed. Her big-brother had been struck by a car when he rode his bike home from school. The only Nichol she had known stopped aging at year nine. Orphaned and alone, Hilde Schbeiker had little reason not to accept the CDA opening when she became the last Hilde Schbeiker in the known world.

“So which Hilde was 'verse R?” she asked as they both indulged in chitchat to avoid their responsibilities within the business.

“Nichol never knew she existed,” Trowa kept his voice low. “She died of an overdose.”

“One of the tragic ones, then?” Hilde let a long sigh fill the connection between them. “Okay, sir, my report list finally loaded. You’re behind by… over a dozen. Trowa! They’ll mark you for this. We’ve got to get you caught up.”

“I don’t care,” Trowa thought he heard Henry cry. “Other people get to spend time with their families.”

“But the Marquis…”

“When is Treize coming back? That bastard is strict, but at least he’s _reasonable_ …” Trowa felt hot. His shirt was sticking to his back. He definitely heard Henry crying. Nichol would get up if it went on much longer.

“Ah, maybe I should remind you that all the CDA calls are monitored for ease of transcribing valuable…”

“I know the script, Hilde,” Trowa interrupted, pushing his hair back from his face. His fingers slid along the perspiration. “I’ve got to go.”

“Over a dozen,” she whispered as if she could avoid the recording herself.

“I’m the one in the field. I’ll decide what’s important for me to do my job,” Trowa hung up the phone.

He found Nichol in the hallway bouncing the baby. Henry tilted his head back to let out an even more amazing feat of lung power.

“I think he wants you,” Nichol handed the child over to Trowa. But he still lingered long enough to instinctively put his lips briefly against the corner of Trowa’s mouth. As if he’d meant to do that on purpose, he mumbled, “Good night” before pulling away and going back to bed.

Calmed, Henry discovered his fingers could easily curl and tug around Trowa’s ear.

“You’re more important to me,” Trowa whispered. “All this was worth getting to take care of you.”

***

 **Universe N**

The CDA could reassign their agents when a mission was complete or a new transfer could be swapped in for a former agent under certain circumstances. Hilde’s promotion could have been a coincidence, but Trowa couldn’t be certain. Experience with the CDA taught him to trust his instincts. Every decision they made had an ulterior motive.

“It’s a tag-out, Trowa,” she said. Her hand lingered on his shoulder. If it had been anyone else’s hand he would have killed them. And that wasn’t only his assignment reacting. “Come on, we can’t stay in the waiting room like this. I know you’re getting the exit, but I’ve got to still fit in here somehow. I’d rather do it without spending the first few nights in jail.”

“Hilde…” Trowa lifted his head to face her. She recoiled from the intensity of his stare. “You had him for nine years. I’ve lost him twice now and haven’t even had that long.” He sat back in the chair and silently killed everyone in the room. This last job had been so deep cover that he had killed. But he’d reassured himself that his soul was intact as long as he had been able to find Nichol and protect him from this nightmare of a universe.

He hissed angrily. “They tell me that they don’t infect people with cancer, but what the hell? He dies. Then to take me away from my children?”

“They were Nichol’s…” Hilde didn’t meet his eyes. He shouldn’t be yelling at her.

“I can’t even check on kids.” His hands turned into fists without any one to strike. “CDA made orphans out of them… Trowa Barton is dead in Universe R…”

“Trowa it’s a tag-out.” She stood trying to lift him with her. “You’ve got to go. He’s not here anymore either… he’s gone.”

Trowa complied. The fight had left his body as quickly as it had come. He still had Nichol’s blood splattered across his shirt. This Nichol hadn’t been the same. Trowa hadn’t always treated him kindly, but Universe N had its own version of showing love. That much, he had been able to give as if he could ever apologize enough to that other person with the same face.

Hilde let him outside of the hospital. “You know where to go, right? I’ve got to get into this job and make contacts before I get killed. This place… you know you lasted here longer than anyone. Most people send an SOS within three months.”

“Maybe they’ll give me a certificate,” Trowa retorted, without emotion. That was what Universe N had taught him. What had the recruiter promised that naïve Trowa Barton? _We are capable of educating you in some skills…_

From father to murderer… Trowa had to agree. The CDA knew how to cover the spectrum.

 **Universe Alpha**

“Your attention everyone,” the loud speaker whistled and broke over the keyboard drumming of the data record storage hall. Trowa lifted his head as if he’d just woken from a deep sleep. He’d had a desk job for the past seven months to reacclimatize him to the CDA after his years in Universe N. The psychologists still requested hours of his time to analyze the prolonged effects of his time in that place.

 _Three years,_ they would say. _What compartmentalization did you use to keep on your objective?_

Trowa gave them bullshit answers that they studied a week or two before calling him to the white rooms for more questions. None of it mattered anymore. He’d already given them his honest answer the first time they had asked him.

One of them had rolled her eyes while the other had acted as if he must have misheard. _Can you repeat your answer, Mr. Barton. What strategy did you use?_

Love, he said again.

Hilde had lasted in Universe N without an SOS for the same amount of time. She still hadn’t requested a drop out, from what Trowa knew. If anyone, Hilde might have believed his first answer for the swear-to-God truth.

“Your attention,” the system monitor flickered and then the screens had an image of the front woman. Une was new. Trowa recognized her from Universe N. This kind person was not the Lady Une from N. Which meant someone had killed the popular crime lord. He knew this person was _not her_ , but he still had to unclench his teeth.

“We at CDA are proud to announce that a new president has been selected. For the next term, Quatre Winner will be our guide and leader into the next phase at CDA. Let’s all give a heart-felt welcome to Mr. Winner!” Une’s face was replaced by the young man Trowa remembered from his orientation.

“Thank you, Une,” Quatre said. He smiled at the camera as if he could pour warmth and affection on the staff through the telescreens. “Each of you at CDA is unique. You should know that is true because it’s a requirement of each person we hire. No one else like you exists anywhere. Likewise, CDA is unique among the universes. Instead of only celebrating our past accomplishments, let’s look forward to new objectives and new progress as only can be brought about by our unique identity.”

Trowa went back to work, typing as quietly as he could.

***

 **Universe Alpha**

Perhaps Trowa had used his connections to get assigned back in the field. But he had not slept with the President to get his rank promotion back, no matter how much Hilde teased him.

“Quatre’s just a fair guy,” Trowa said, strapping himself into the pill. He’d taken this trip four times before but he felt as nervous as if it had been the first time. They weren’t supposed to prioritize jobs based on relationships in other universe, but Quatre had put a post script on the assignment. In the looping scrawl Quatre had handwritten, _Go find him._

“Just be careful,” Hilde sighed. She was between assignments herself. After eleven months in N she’d dropped out only to SOS her second assignment after three weeks. But in that case her cover had been blown. “Part of me wonders what woman that guy knew… he had been married to me. I don’t really remember that one. Her life had been boring. Happy, you know. I guess they didn’t expect her widowed husband to be paranoid enough to track a suspected _twin_ …”

“Still creepy every time you tell it,” Trowa agreed, putting the helmet on then taking it off to adjust from pushing his hair into his eyes. “Maybe you should look up Heero Yuy on your next assignment. Find out what might have been…”

“Hush,” Hilde snorted. “Quatre’s pretty lax compared to the last guy, but CDA would freak out if they thought the agents were simply trying to recreate the same love story over and over again. We’re a resource business. Problem solvers.”

“We can’t work every minute of our lives,” Trowa complained, sliding inside the narrow opening of the pill and squirming into the foam like a hand into a glove.

“Go find him,” she kissed his forehead. “If I’m dead or never was born, then I have to count on you to watch over my big brother for me.”

“Thanks, Hilde,” Trowa closed his eyes and then he was elsewhere.

***

 **Universe I**

“I know you gave me your spare key for emergencies, but I didn’t realize that you’d had an isolated hurricane strike.”

Trowa twisted from where he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Blinking against the sudden light from the drawn curtains, he scowled at Nichol. “I did give you the key for emergencies. This… is home invasion.” He twisted to put his bare feet on the carpet carefully avoiding the open box of room-warm pizza. “Does Dorothy know where you are?”

“Ah, now… she’s the emergency.” Nichol sat on the coffee table opposite the couch. Then he stood up briefly to move the tower of books that had toppled toward him.

“Are you two _off_ again?” Trowa swallowed. He ran his fingers through his hair and yawned. He didn’t even remember falling asleep or even walking back into the house after the bus dropped him at the corner.

“We’re not off,” Nichol said, resting his chin in one hand. “I never want us to go through that again. I need help…”

“If you’re not off, what’s the problem?” Trowa stretched tight like a cat, pushing back into the couch cushions. He didn’t see the other Nichols in this one as often as he had originally. Dorothy had already claimed Nichol putting herself in between them as soon as Trowa had introduced himself to this Nichol for the first time. Nichol never guessed at any ulterior motive, although Trowa suspected Dorothy, like most women, had a deeply hidden and accurate suspicion.

“No problem,” Nichol huffed. “I want to buy her a ring.”

“Good grief,” Trowa spoke before realizing the full implication of Nichol’s statement.

Nichol scoffed, “Now the light bulb goes on. I swear, Barton, if you didn’t have me around to tie your shoes for you…”

“Give me some credit,” Trowa scrambled to cover his shock. “I am a good drummer.”

“Yeah,” Nichol’s eyes crinkled into a smile. “We are glad of that. Some days I ask Dorothy how we could have gone this far without you.”

 _This world never had a Trowa Barton_ , Trowa tried to smile back. He faked another yawn. “Make me breakfast,” he said.

“Only if you get dressed and go ring shopping with me,” Nichol retorted good-naturedly. “Heck, if you can survive that, I’ll buy you lunch and dinner.”

Nichol got up then and went toward the kitchen. He chuckled, “That room is the only place in your home that stays spotless. It’s like you keep it that way for me…”

“Hardly,” Trowa tried to sound less bitter. Or perhaps differently bitter. “I never use the kitchen.”

“Or that,” Nichol grinned just before he disappeared into the hall.

 _Did you know, Quatre? Did you know I would lose him again?_ Trowa stood and hesitated. For a moment, he thought he’d become an intangible ghost. His feet hovering over rather than standing on the ground.

***

 **Universe Alpha**

“Oh, Trowa…” Hilde offered him the plate with cookies and for the second time he declined. They were both recalled from their assignments. Quatre had established shorter trips for those undercover agents who were not in CDA partner universes. A lot of speculation had gone around their section but no one had any actual facts.

“You didn’t find Heero did you?” Trowa knew they both had an inclination toward internalizing too much. He had been able to laugh as she pried story after story out of him about his completely platonic relationship with her brother in Universe I.

“Nope,” she shook her head. “To be honest, I was relieved. He was so intense when I had to SOS. I’m not sure I could have let myself get involved with someone who couldn’t let that Hilde go even after she… well. I wouldn’t want to do that to someone knowingly.”

“When you put it that way… I feel sort of bad,” Trowa reached over to take a cookie.

“He had that Dorothy person,” Hilde consoled. “But it seems strange that once again you found a Nichol who never had me as a little sister. Although, I am illegitimate...”

“How many Hildes were there?”

“Seven,” she answered. “I never asked you…”

“Twenty-one… other… mes,” he answered. “All dead. Most of them were daredevils who got into accidents of some sort or another. One of them was murdered.” That particular Trowa made him think of Quatre, so he changed the subject. “It’s not the record though. Did you know that Quatre was created in all thirty-six, but only two made it past childhood?”

“How in the world? With the sheer amount of improbabilities?” Hilde stared, her mouth open.

“No one knows exactly, but they say that there’s an Iria Winner in all thirty-six. She’s still living in most of them though,” Trowa added.

“I need a drink,” Hilde concluded. She called back over her shoulders, “My friend in recruiting said the new agents are arriving next week.”

“That’s what they pulled us back for, right?” Trowa reasoned. She didn’t take long and soon he had his favorite bottle of Alpha beer in his hand. Besides Hilde, it was the only Alpha _anything_ to which Trowa felt an attachment.

He took a drink. Hilde and this beer might be the only things to which he felt _any_ attachment.

“I wonder,” she said at last. “You can train really well, but me? Or the others? Walker in Universe S didn’t get recalled. He's talented.”

“Yeah, but Universe S is 90% invested in CDA they’re not going to recall a proper liaison.” Trowa drank longer after saying that. He couldn’t get drunk fast enough. Hilde would let him stay on her couch. Perhaps he’d call in sick? He had enough vacation days to practically retire on them.

“None of the contracted universe agents were brought back… what does that mean?” Hilde put her unfinished bottle next to the plate.

“Do we care?” Trowa shrugged.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Hilde asked quietly.

“Because we don’t belong any damn place in the universe…” Trowa shook his head. “I’m sorry Hilde. The last job was harder on me than I thought.”

“It’s okay,” she leaned against him. “Isn't it nice knowing that somewhere he’s having a good life?”

***

 **Universe Alpha**

“You’re here early,” Quatre said, poking his head into the CDA classroom. Quite like that morning so many years earlier, Trowa noticed the blonde man had a mug of tea between his hands and a faint rose-color across his cheeks. “Are you nervous, well… anxious to have students for the first time?”

“I’ve been on the other side of this desk.” Trowa put down his data chips to look at the empty chairs in front of him. “Quatre,” he made sure he sounded respectful. “No one has given me an attendance roster. Or any idea what’s expected of me…”

“Ah, about that.” Quatre took a finger and rubbed it along the side of his nose. “I meant to get to you sooner, but my job is pretty busy…”

“I can imagine,” Trowa interjected, accepting the excuse but wanting an answer. “Where are they from? Which universe? I could have polished the environment to help them acclimate to Alpha…”

“Universe G,” Quatre said, sudden and unexpected like a burst balloon.

Trowa hesitated. Universe G was where the other Quatre and the other Trowa had been together. He suspected that made the Alpha Quatre nervous around him, so Trowa tried to put a reassuring expression on his face.

“That wasn’t us, you know,” he said.

“I know,” Quatre’s blush deepened. “I never worked a universe, so it still seems a little shocking to realize… this sort of thing…”

“You’re the president of CDA, Quatre,” Trowa stood. “That’s exactly the sort of thing…”

But he never got to finish what he was going to say. At that moment, a voice grumbled from the hallway, “Is this the tier one pill training class? Because if I’m in the wrong room _again_ how the hell am I going to trust anyone here to ship me to the right _universe_?”

Quatre lost all the color in his face, but diplomatically turned around to let the newcomer know he had found the proper room for his assignment. But Trowa couldn’t hang onto the words because of the throbbing sound of his own heart.

Because if that person was Nichol, and Trowa knew that voice better than anyone else’s, that meant only one thing.

“Every person at CDA is the last and unique,” Quatre’s words pierced through at last. “Let me introduce you to your instructor…”

But Quatre didn’t have to say anything further because when Trowa saw Nichol again he wasn’t meeting a complete stranger. The man took a half step back and his brows lifted under the edges of his uncut curls.

“Barton?” Nichol said. “You have got to be kidding me? I can’t escape you in _any_ universe!”

***

 **Universe Alpha**

 _G, what the hell happened in G?_

Trowa couldn’t remember. Of course, he’d been somewhat distracted by the ever present gossip about the Trowa and Quatre of that universe. But he’d watched that data chip, along with more than twenty others like it, so long ago. He hadn’t even _met_ his first Nichol in Universe R by that point.

But for this Nichol to know Trowa meant that somehow the Trowa of universe G and this Nichol from universe G had met… it gave him a peculiar feeling in his stomach.

Quatre had been making polite conversation, but Nichol continued to give Trowa furtive glances.

“Has he seen the data chips for the other universes?” Trowa asked, somewhat horrified.

“Data chips? That’s week two,” Nichol answered first as if he’d memorized his schedule. But if he hadn’t seen them, then that meant he didn’t know about the Nichol who Trowa had practically married or the relationship they’d had in N. Everything this guy knew was limited to G.

Trowa needed that archive. He needed to prepare himself better for this. He… caught Quatre giving him a sideways glance.

 _Now I know how it feels too, eh, Quatre?_ , Trowa frowned. But the thought calmed him considerably.

“Nichol,” Trowa said. “I remember how unusual it is to come to Alpha from another universe. During orientation, we’ll help you learn to separate these identical identities. Even Quatre and a different Trowa in another universe had another sort of relationship which does not impact the one we have here in Alpha.”

Nichol’s smirk was slight enough anyone who didn’t know him as well as Trowa would have missed it.

 _He knows you don’t believe the easy rational of CDA either,_ Trowa understood. He found himself fighting a smile in return. _This person really did know the other me well._

***

 **Universe Alpha**

“So you have one week until that Nichol knows you, this Trowa, had many intimate relationships with different Nichols,” Hilde peered in horror at Trowa between the fingers she had covering her face. “What do you think is going to happen? Maybe you should warn him first. Definitely. Tell him! My brother would want to know.”

“Nine,” Trowa corrected. “Your Nichol was nine. This one is… at least twenty years older than that if not more. He is not… going to accept this like a nine year old. I don’t.”

“So tell me,” Trowa sank into her couch, so that even she seemed to tower over him. “Did you read about the Nichol in G?” Hilde knew about the Universe G relationship with Quatre. Data chips were public, but only Alphas with desk jobs had the free time to browse them recreationally. Hilde, in particular, had a fascination with reading about their lives in other worlds since her last assignment.

“I did look to see which of the other Hildes had brothers, but in G they never met. He didn’t have a very happy life, so I didn’t… read it closely. It felt extra weird since he was still living and the other me had died.”

“Which one was she?” Trowa asked, knowing the strange detachment that came from knowing how other _yous_ had died.

“She married some ex-soldier and had a son,” Hilde obviously had latched onto that much. “But that guy’s not down to one, so he’s living his own lives still.”

“No Alpha?” Trowa teased.

“Gah, Trowa, you know how weird it is looking for the Alpha? I'm not that kind of girl!”

They were quiet for a while when Hilde said, “You should tell him before he finds out.”

“It can't make things worse. He already doesn’t like me, but I should let him explain that to me for himself. No use reading G. It’s never quite like living it…”

The silence continued until their second beers were drained and Hilde had leaned her head against his shoulder.

“I know what this means, Trowa. I know what you’re not saying. I know what it means about the Nichol in Universe I… I know…”

If he cried, neither of them were going to log it on the data chip.

***

 **Universe Alpha**

Trowa didn’t live far from the CDA academic halls so he walked to work the next morning. Part of working for CDA meant realizing that when he died that there were no more Trowa Bartons in any known universe.

The Nichol from G would have come to the same conclusion. He was the last.

The other inevitable truth about working at CDA, which none of the promotional videos mentioned, was that to work for CDA a person had no reason to stay in their own universe. The contracts were a choice. No one was forced to enlist.

So whatever life Nichol from G had, moving over to Alpha had to have looked a whole hell of a lot better than his lot in G. Even the moralistically motivated recruits didn’t sign up if they had something important to lose.

Perhaps due to those two factors, the first week spent on Alpha was spent training with the pill. No one wanted to know how their other selves had died… not right away. And adjusting to the recreational aspects of Alpha would seem disrespectful of those deaths. So instead they dropped the trainees headfirst into the technical business.

Nichol had already arrived. “So is it just you and me, then?” Nichol asked, obviously making an effort to be agreeable.

Trowa nodded, “I checked the lists and the other recruits are being partnered off in the same way.”

“Does CDA intentionally match you up with rivals? Is it some sort of rite-of-passage?” Nichol’s cool composure slipped, but he grasped for it again. “I get it if it is. I know you’re not that guy. I see you and I can tell you’re not him, but good grief if you don’t look _exactly_ like him.”

“You’ll probably continue to see similarities and differences,” Trowa agreed. He remembered Hilde’s advise and had determined to speak first. “I can say that I’ve had the same…”

“But what I don’t get,” Nichol interrupted. “Is the technological differences. Alpha seems pretty sophisticated, but I haven’t seen a single mobile suit or any tech that might have morphed from a similar concept.”

Trowa raised his eyebrow, “You like technology?”

The other man crossed his arms, “It’s been a while, but I know that I was just as good as you… or, ah, anyone…” He floundered in his mistake, uncrossing his arms and shifting his weight.

“I don’t know anything about those mobile suits,” Trowa acquiesced, showing that CDA allowed for universe identity slip-ups. “But Alpha has some gear that I definitely enjoy. Want to see it?”

“Get on with it,” Nichol retorted, without malice, and begrudgingly appreciating Trowa’s tact. As he followed Trowa to the warehouse, Nichol admitted, “I’m not very comfortable when people with the same face… act differently toward me. It happened to me before. And ended badly.”

“What do you mean?” Trowa asked, indicating they were going to take the service elevator. He pressed the button for the sublevels. Cooler air started to circulate through the room.

“Her!” Nichol pointed at the tiny broadcast screen where Une read the daily announcements. The sound was off but text scrolled along the bottom of the screen. “Une was my superior. One minute she was a very competent soldier and then the next she was only interested in having someone brush her hair—while in the middle of battle.”

Trowa tried to listen. From Nichol’s gesturing, he was describing a key moment in his own history.

“It can be like that in different universes too. One version is more domestic and another has a career motivation,” Trowa offered. “But fundamentally, the nature of the person is still in here.” He put his hand over his chest.

“You’re saying you are the same wily person I knew?” Nichol leaned away to appraise Trowa for a long time.

“I still have to think of them as being different,” Trowa hurried off the elevator as soon as the doors would open. “Here’s the pill chamber.”

“Whoa,” Nichol said, satisfactorily impressed with the Alpha construction that could transport people between universes.

“I’ve been sent on three assignments,” Trowa instructed. “Which means six pill jumps. I’ve got to say that I recommend the earplugs. There are centuries worth of radio chatter bouncing around in space that makes the hop very disorienting.”

“What kind of engine runs this?” Nichol hurried ahead motioning with a pointed finger toward the pill tunnel that stretched overhead like a long winding shoot. “Is that the brain?”

Trowa struggled to keep up with the running man. He didn’t have breath to answer the volley of endless questions. Nichol stopped abruptly, causing Trowa to stumble before crashing into him.

“Hey,” Nichol grinned, instinctively reaching out to grab Trowa’s shoulders to balance him. Then Trowa saw the man’s ears immediately turn red and he was released. “I guess this version of you is a klutz.”

“Excuse me?” Trowa frowned. “You’re the one who started running around like a three year-old. Unlike any of the Nichols I’ve met!”

An eerie silence continued after that while the air conditioning in the chamber blew steadily against them. Trowa sighed. Standing straighter, he motioned at the nearby control panel. “Anything else you want to see? Honestly, most agents don’t care how this stuff works.”

“Machines were about the only thing I was any good with,” Nichol said quietly. “Then they took those away and I spent the last ten years working as a shuttle repairman.”

Trowa waited. He’d been so close to letting the last Nichol know about the others, but as _the last_ this one deserved the be the only. He knew that it had to be no different from the way he wanted Quatre to be friends with _him_ \--not to see the Trowa from G.

He didn’t want Nichol to see only the Trowa from G either. So it only stood to reason that Trowa should stop looking for someone else in this Nichol.

“I remember reading about when you died… I mean, when he died,” Nichol gave a shaky laugh. “I had meant to look him up. Maybe see if I could get both sides of the story behind the circumstances of our meeting. I was left with the feeling that I owed him something. But you… I mean, he had joined the Preventers, they were... they _are_ this peacetime military group and…”

This time Trowa recognized the need to provide a rescue. “Yeah, that Trowa was pretty memorable from the others.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Nichol said before he could stop himself.

 _You’re a nice guy when you forget not to be_. Trowa thought warmly, but instead he said, “I’ll find someone who knows the tech better than I do to give you a tour down here. We’ll set something up.”

***

 **Universe Alpha**

“He’s really clever,” Hilde said, beaming, as she joined Trowa in the main cafeteria. They didn’t often stop for meals during their work day—let along venture into the common dining area—but they hadn’t seen each other for two days and it had been difficult enough getting their schedules to overlap without being picky.

“As soon as he started asking questions, I knew exactly onto whom I should pawn all the responsibility of enlightening him,” Trowa said between bites of his sandwich. He’d taken two and completely intended on eating both of them. “Did you tell him?”

“It didn’t come up,” Hilde said wistfully. “Yet! And how about you, mister? Any warm and fuzzy feelings?” She knew it was cruel, but if someone had to ask…

“I’ve managed _just friends_ before, remember, Hils?” He swallowed that bite of food like a stone. “I still haven’t been able to look at the data on universe I.”

“You don’t have to,” she poked the salad with her fork but didn’t take anything onto it.

“I feel like I owe it to him to learn what happened.” Trowa set his sandwich down. “Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone. I don’t want to spend any more time with the CDA psychiatrist than I have to.”

“We have them for this very reason,” Hilde reminded, without any pressure. She was a wreck in her own way and avoided the professionals just as much as Trowa.

“They would retire me from assignments forever,” he replied, making his fear sound logical.

“When did an assignment do you any good?” Hilde hand waved the obvious. “You’ve never properly been allowed to grieve after the _R universe_ and then Quatre puts you with the last one.”

“Maybe I just need to know that I can do one without him,” Trowa found his appetite again. The second sandwich didn’t last long as the distraction of any conversation had ended at that.

***

On day five, Quatre walked into the classroom and caught Trowa and Nichol mid-lecture about intra-universe communication and the intricacies of SOS guidelines.

“So you don’t know how the cell phones work either?” Nichol half-laughed through his complaint. Seeing Quatre, Nichol only hesitated briefly before adding, “Hey Boss, this teacher you stuck me with needs a refresher course himself.”

“He asks good questions,” Trowa shrugged. “I give him extra hours with Hilde when he gets like this.”

“Hilde?” Quatre raised his eyebrow. “And how are those going?”

“Well enough.” Nichol furrowed his brow. “She’s able to explain CDA tech better than Barton here.”

“Good to know. So why that expression?” Quatre persisted—with more perspective and worse than any shrink on staff, Trowa decided.

“No reason,” Nichol lied. “Just my face.”

“Okay, well then. I have news for both of you,” Quatre said. “I’ll have data chips sent to you shortly, but we’re sending our teams on assignments. The schedule’s rolling out and I want you prepped for the first load first thing next week.”

“Are you sure?” Trowa asked, while Nichol more pointedly stated, “What happened to six weeks of training?”

“You can learn on the job with Trowa,” Quatre smiled. “I have a feeling you’ll make a great team.”

***

“No offense,” Nichol muttered as they went down the elevator to the pill chambers for the second time together. “I think this company is the worst organization I’ve ever worked for… and that’s saying a lot.”

“No offense taken,” Trowa said. He had been anticipating his next assignment as an opportunity to prove to himself he didn’t need to go into a universe searching for a connection to Nichol. But Quatre had effectively stolen the simple cure and forced Trowa to see if he could survive another platonic relationship with the man he loved from an alternate universe.

Trowa blew out his breath.

“Nervous?” Nichol looked at him curiously.

“Something like that,” Trowa shook his head in the negative. “Infiltration is one thing I’m terrifyingly good at. Don’t let anything bother you, I’ll make sure we’re alright.”

Nichol seemed speechless for a long moment, and Trowa wondered if the dark-haired man wasn’t good for the change that was coming. Unlike the other men with similar faces who lived their lives in their own universes, this Nichol would be the only one to test the particular skill of entering other realities.

Then the expression of shock splintered into a smile. “Maybe I do know you after all,” he said without further explanation.

When they got into the pills, Nichol pointed out a few things that Trowa had been doing wrong.

“Thanks, I think,” Trowa shook his head somewhat sheepishly. “If this helps, I’m having Quatre make you train the new agents for the pill.”

“Do you pawn your work off on everyone else?” Nichol asked.

“It’s called delegation.”

***

 **Universe W**

“It’s just as well that we share a space,” Nichol said in agreement as he paced their new apartment. “Less rent and no trouble hunting down roommates that ask nosy questions.”

“You’ll have to figure out answers to those nosy questions eventually,” Trowa laughed. “This isn’t a contracted universe. These folks have no idea that people live in other worlds that look exactly like this one.”

“Sounds like the contracted assignments are easier,” Nichol looked into the fridge as if he might actually find something already in there. “What do you like to eat?” he asked.

Trowa sat on the ground. The conversation seemed too much like Universe I where Nichol had always been trying to make him something to eat.

“Did you answer?” Nichol peered into the room and seeing Trowa on the floor commented, “How’s the carpet?”

“I’m going to buy furniture,” Trowa left. In the stairwell, he felt much better as if the flashback hadn’t been overwhelming at all. He used the railing until he got to the bottom. With each step he unraveled the lingering question of how he had lost that friend.

Outside the sun was shining. This universe was fairly advanced. The cell phone tech he meeded to communicate with Alpha would be hardly a shock to the natives. Overhead, he saw an airplane. How long had it been since he’d seen one of those? His original universe perhaps?

He went to the bus stop and waited. They had noticed a grocery a few miles away.

Nichol had liked doing the shopping… that had been before they adopted the kids. Then he’d expected Trowa to just know what they needed without a list and laughed every time Trowa had to call home from the store to double check that it was tomato soup and not tomato paste.

Trowa got onto the bus and settled the fare. The driver was a surprisingly pretty woman with thin wrists when she swiped his card for the necessary credits.

He sat down and looked out the window. He let himself remember who he had become in universe N. CDA would never contract with that universe, but they had to keep informed if the Ns ever developed the technology to travel to Alpha. It wouldn’t happen, he reassured himself. They were too busy killing themselves.

And he remembered that Nichol who never expected to trust someone. Trowa had spent nearly every minute since the pill dropped in the universe to find and take care of that one person. Hilde said that the few happy years Nichol had probably made up for the lifetime he might have had if Trowa had never been there. In hindsight, Trowa wanted to agree.

It had helped him work through the loss of his children. Hoping that someone in R looked out for them, as if the universe knew to balance out the charitable acts.

Trowa startled when his phone rang. He had been casually evaluating the way that the pedestrians dressed as the bus stopped and started again at various stops. Before the phone only rang when it was an Alpha operator reminding him that his report was overdue.

He answered, “Hello?”

“I can’t remember, did you go shopping for food or furniture first?”

“Nichol?” Trowa sighed in relief, glad to be out of his memories all the same. “Why are you asking?”

“Because,” and this time the voice wasn’t on his phone. “I think I’m adjusting better than you are if you haven’t noticed I followed you onto the bus.”

“Were you a spy in G?” Trowa joked, shakily, as Nichol sat in the seat next to him. “Because we need to recruit more Preventers if they’re all like you.”

“Answer my question first,” Nichol replied amicably. “Food or furniture?”

***

 **Universe W**

Trowa reported back to Alpha that teams were a great idea simply because they cut the number of reports he had to do by half.

“Nice,” Hilde’s laugh carried over the connection like a welcome ray of sunshine. “I’ll be sure to let Nichol know he’s doing too many of them if you’re feeling this relaxed in your work load. How are things by the way?”

 _Recorded line,_ Trowa heard underneath. “Really well, W is pretty low key. I haven’t seen any familiars and Nichol’s already acclimated into an employment opportunity. His skills with machines are pretty marketable.”

“Well, as long as he doesn’t _discover_ anything that isn’t in the projections for W, it sounds like you’ve got it under control,” Hilde sounded like she wanted to go on. “I guess that’s it for this time, Trowa. Until next time…”

“Yeah, okay,” Trowa replied, puzzled. But without any way of knowing what she was getting at, he had nothing in particular to stress over.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” Nichol said from the doorway, purposefully mimicking a popular line from a television show well liked by their neighbor across the hall. She insisted they call her Aunt Lucy.

“Anything interesting at the job?” Trowa asked. “I just got off with Alpha, so you can report in if you’d like.”

“Delegating again?” Nichol dropped his bag by the door and started to put his coat in the closet.

“Your facts. Therefore, you get the credit with Alpha,” Trowa shrugged. He opened the fridge to find the lemonade Nichol had made before. “I ordered out dinner, so don’t worry about…”

Nichol interrupted, “This assignment is pretty taxing-even when I like the job. How did you do this without a partner?”

Trowa stopped pouring his drink and set down the glass jar. He looked at the floating lemon pieces. He would never have thought to make something like this.

“With each disguise,” he started slowly. “I would pretend to be some one until I fit in like they expected.”

Nichol saw the lemonade out and opened the cabinet to get a glass for himself. “So you put more of the effort onto the other person? Expecting them just to see whatever they wanted?”

“It didn’t hurt them,” Trowa justified. “In fact, they might have been happier because of it.”

“Explains a lot,” Nichol reached around to get the pitcher. “Is that all you wanted?” He pointed at the half-full glass before topping it off at his own discretion.

“A lot of what?” Trowa wanted to know.

“A lot about _you_ ,” Nichol drank with a thoughtful expression. He had smudges of oil along his forearms except where he had clearly made an effort to wash his hands. “My universe? Trowa Barton slipped in and out while being, as you put it, whatever the other person wanted. On so little effort--it was pretty infuriating to watch.”

“What did you see?” Trowa wondered, genuinely curious.

“Probably what he wanted me to see,” Nichol shrugged, in a different tone from before. “I should have showered first. I can smell myself now.”

Trowa didn’t say anything, but wondered at why he felt terribly exposed.

***

 **Universe W**

“So which disguise are you using in this universe?” Nichol asked from where they sat on the couch. A sports game was on the television, but they had the sound off and Trowa read from a book that supposedly would educate them on the pastime known as baseball.

“Excuse me?” Trowa asked.

“It seems kind of… kept _housewife_ ,” Nichol motioned along Trowa’s sprawled form.

“The job isn’t all adventure and danger,” Trowa rolled his eyes.

“I thought you were going to teach me something,” Nichol shrugged. “But I seem to be doing a lot of adjusting on my own.”

Trowa lifted the book as evidence. “Teaching is happening now.”

“But you didn’t know any of that either,” Nichol dismissed. He crossed his arms as if ready for an argument that wasn’t quite delivering.

“I’m going to request they send you to N if you don’t think this is exciting enough,” Trowa quarreled good-naturedly. “And if you want to know about N…”

“I don’t need to know,” Nichol waved his hands as if throwing the argument back. “You’d be there also, so don’t wish for N unless you want to go back.”

“Go back?”

“Obviously,” Nichol stammered. “Sounds like you’re picking the worst from your experience or something.”

“Oh, I’d definitely be suggesting it as a solo mission,” Trowa chuckled, but a gnawing in his stomach caused him to put the book down. Something was off between them and it wasn’t just Trowa being awkward in a memory of some past universe. He could see the telltale blush of purple growing along Nichol’s neck.

“I think I know what makes an assignment work long term,” Nichol said.

“Yeah, did you learn that on your own too?” Trowa wanted to recover the easy conversation from before stumbling into the oddness.

“Relationships,” the other man said. He ran his fingers through his dark hair and then swore.

“Did something happen?” Trowa sat forward. Perhaps he had been too passive in this universe. He had been staying to his own schedule and with the exception of Aunt Lucy, Trowa hadn’t the number of contacts that Nichol had networked in the past few days. Had he missed something?

“Yeah, something happened,” Nichol grumbled. When he looked at Trowa next his face seemed too close.

Trowa kept his eyes open. _This isn’t him,_ he repeated to himself. Instead, he said, “Alright, tell me about it.”

“I’ve been thinking about kissing you.”

“Ah,” Trowa didn’t expect that.

“Is that okay?”

 _As long as it’s your idea._ “No objections.”

***

 **Universe W**

Nichol called in sick every day until his boss said, quite sternly, that his employment hinged on showing up that morning. Trowa had lost track of all time.

“Call in some reports while I’m gone,” Nichol came back again to kiss Trowa good-bye.

Those moments were getting more dangerous, keeping them in bed whenever they weren’t trying to feed themselves. Nichol enjoyed the kitchen, but he wasn’t the cook Trowa had expected.

“Don’t forget the report,” Nichol punctuated the next kiss. “And don’t stay in bed all day.”

Trowa sat up, “Reports?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “To tell them what, exactly?”

Nichol hesitated in the doorway. “You’ll think of something. You were supposed to be the mentor in this situation, remember?”

“Go,” Trowa shooed him away. Dropping back against the pillow, Trowa knew that he’d rested too much to fall asleep again. He took a long shower, noticeably absent of any melancholy recollections, and looked for his cell phone while pouring the last of the orange juice.

He dialed the number that would connect him directly to Hilde.

“You sound cheerful,” she greeted him with caution.

“I have reason to be,” he wondered how much he could say without making CDA threaten action. No assignments had been pairs before this wave, and partner relationships had never been listed as disapproved.

Hilde’s silence was enough to let him guess that the clever girl knew exactly what reason that had been. Trowa waited as the quiet lengthened.

Finally he said, “It’s not so strange. Not for me, I always like him. Every him… he initiated it, Hilde.”

“Trowa,” she said urgently. “He read all his data chips before you left on the assignment. He knows.”

“What?” Trowa breathed an incredulous laugh. “Nichol didn’t get to the second week of training.”

“They’re public to anyone who works for CDA,” Hilde clarified, with long-suffering patience. "Some staff read them like candy. Some are just curious. Nichol asked for his and no one thought twice about it. He knows about me. About you. He has to know.”

“I see,” Trowa said. “How many reports are we behind?”

“Trowa?”

”How many reports?” Trowa glanced at his watch. He carried the phone back into the bedroom as he pulled out a clean pair of trousers and a shirt.

“Three… nine… twelve,” she said at last. Then she asked again, “Trowa?”

“Thanks for the information, I’ll catch up soon.” Trowa hung up the phone.

***

“Surprise lunch dates,” Nichol grimaced. “My favorite.”

“You have a surprisingly accepting place of employment,” Trowa chuckled. He’d waited until he wouldn’t disrupt the day too badly and presented himself as a very fey boyfriend to the entertainment of Nichol’s peers. They still had linked arms, but Trowa had toned down his acting.

“Do you have some place that you wanted to go?” Nichol asked, somewhat gingerly. “Did I upset you or something? You’re behaving very strange.”

“Yes, I can pretend very well,” Trowa nodded. “That’s how I survived on N. The tough part is not letting the role get to your brain. Keeping some part of yourself… protected.”

“This place looks nice.” For a brickly cool day, Nichol went for an open table still in the sunshine. But after they sat, Trowa asked the waitress to give them a long time before ordering.

“I should have caught on sooner.” Trowa unwrapped his napkin and spread the cloth out. “So much of fitting in, of hiding who you are, is knowing how to sidestep the awkward questions. And you… didn’t ask any.”

“What?” Nichol took a lengthy drink of water. His eyes surveyed the business crowd walking on their lunch breaks before turning back to Trowa.

“It’s okay, you see,” Trowa leaned in. “I wouldn’t have minded if you had asked, but I don’t need any favors from you. Whatever kindness that this is… you don’t have to.”

“What?” Nichol said, somewhat stupidly. They knocked elbows and some of Nichol’s water sloshed on the tablecloth.

 _Steal the last one_ , Trowa kissed him chastely. “It was nice, but I wouldn’t expect you to feel obligated.”

“Are you an idiot?” Nichol tilted his head. “I don’t do things if I feel obligated.”

“I know you read the data chips, my other assignments,” Trowa explained. Even in the past he had trouble clearly communicating to Nichol. So many things had gone wrong once or more before they would get to the same page. Or even to be proper friends.

“So what?” Nichol shrugged. “I dated a girl once. People have past relationships.”

“With the same person?” Trowa had to be sure.

“For all that you keep telling me you’re not _him_ what makes you think that I’m going to think that those other guys with my name were me? So you have a type, Trowa,… that kind of made it more simple when I liked the idea too.”

“Oh, okay.” Trowa eased back into his seat. “Well then, what looks good to eat?”

“You’re fine now?” Nichol inquired. “Just gotta check to make sure you’re okay with me being in this equation.”

“I know your type,” Trowa grinned. “You never left me. Not once.”

***Epilogue***

 **Universe Alpha**

Hilde knew the news was important, but she hadn’t expected Quatre to come to the CDA operators’ room himself.

“When did the report come in?” Quatre asked, settling into the chair next to her. He had a folder in his hands, but dropped it onto the tabletop.

“Just minutes ago,” Hilde said, somewhat breathless. “I verified it was a real code. So even though it was a native who used the phone, it was under the direction of our operative agent in N.”

“Mobile suits?”

“Without a doubt. They’ve escalated their technology on a level of stealth we never anticipated. And you know that pill technology is just…”

“I know,” Quatre smiled sadly. “It’s been inevitable. As much as we can watch and interfere, Universe N has been positioning as a threat for some time now.”

“So what… what do I reply?”

“Tell him… what was his name?”

Hilde hesitated only briefly, “Heero Yuy.”

“Tell Heero Yuy that we’re sending our best team to assist,” Quatre lifted the edge of the folder. “Then call Trowa and tell him he’s being pulled for a new assignment.”

“Just Trowa?”

Quatre shook his head. “Nichol too. That’s the only way it’ll work after all.”

“Sir,” Hilde reached for the phone, but Quatre hadn’t left yet. “Something more, sir?”

“Do you want to go?” he asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you…”

“Heero Yuy called.” Quatre ran his fingers along the text on the first page. “I think sending you might make a difference for Universe N. And you have experience there, I do remember.”

“Okay,” Hilde nodded. “I’ll go too.”

“Love.” Quatre successfully tapped the page with his finger. “He said it so many years ago, and it took some doing to orchestrate the partnership. But he was right, you know.”

“Sir?”

“It makes for the most successful missions.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone would like to know:
> 
> [Universe R - Road Rage](http://archiveofourown.org/series/2226), [Universe N - Numbers](http://archiveofourown.org/series/2161), and [Universe I - If Nothing Else I Can Dream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/95223).


End file.
